“When I first met him he said his ex was obsessed and just couldn’t let go of him. I had no reason to not believe him. But I started to become suspicious about the fact he wouldn’t stop talking about her. If she was so awful, why did he spend hours every day talking about her?
“Things started out great between us. He swept me off my feet. I was used to guys who just took me for a coffee or dinner on dates, but he took me on lavish trips. He’d spend huge amounts of money on me, put in loads of effort planning more and more over the top adventures and exotic trips. By our 6th date we’d already been on like three expensive trips together. Nothing was too much for him. It was like he was willing to do anything to win me over.
“Although he spent all this money on me and seemed fond of me, there was something off about the way he treated me. I felt like something he’d just shoved onto a pedestal without getting to know them. All he really seemed to care about was comparing his ex negatively to me. It felt very much like he was trying to convince himself that losing his ex was not really a loss. He told me I was everything he’s looking for and he added “unlike her.”
“I felt like he didn’t really know me at all or care to know me and kind of like I was only there to make his ex jealous and prove to him that he can keep a relationship going.
“One day I found a copy of a restraining order in his drawer. His ex had a restraining order against him because he had been violent to her. This didn’t fit in with his stories about how his ex was still in love with him and wouldn’t let him go.
“Stupidly perhaps, I confronted him about what I’d found.
“He didn’t explain the restraining order. He just told me that he considered me mentally unstable and obsessed with him, and he discarded me.”
Monica’s story“The narc told me his ex was mentally unstable and old and lonely. I noticed that when we did special things together he’d be more focused on videoing it all with his iPhone than enjoying the moment. Like for his birthday I made him a special cake and he spent over an hour videoing it from different angles and putting it on his Instagram Story. After he posted it he said, “see how that fucking bitch likes this hahaha.” He also asked me “Will it show up if she has viewed my story? Will I know if she’s seen it?”
“I started to feel like a stage prop or a pawn in a chess game. He really ordered me around. At first it was flattering. He kept telling me I’m perfect. How much his mom will approve of me. How well I will fit into his life. How I’m much less independent and “out of control” than his ex and I don’t emasculate him the way she did.
“It was like everything was staged to make his ex jealous. He’d take and re-take photos, tell me what I was and wasn’t allowed to post on Facebook. If he’s happy with me why is he so focused on what his ex thinks?
“I started to get more and more curious and eventually I tracked down his “mentally unstable and old” ex. She was not what I was expecting at all. She was drop dead beautiful and, get this, she has his child! He never mentioned that he’s a father, not once. He even kept talking about how he looks forward to being a father one day. It turns out he’d discarded his ex when he got her pregnant and left her and his son to fend for themselves. And he’d slept with her just two weeks before he met me and suggested that the two of them get married. But when he met me he had told me he’d been single and celibate for two years.”